The
LOVE Formula
L.O.V.E is a way
of communicating. Home sweet Home gets sweeter when you learn communication
skills. Here are four tips
1. Right vs. Left:
When someone holds an opposing view, go over to their side completely.
Listen, explore their point of view and see if you could defend it.
You will realize they were on the left side and you were on the right
side. Both of you are describing a scene but looking at it from a
different sides of the street. Now you see the whole. Remember, if
you want the big picture give up “being right”. Do this
first and the following techniques work better.
2. Be clear. Vague communication causes too much stress. Get clear
and you will know the next step and who is going to take it. This
form of communication clears up confusion with clarifying questions.
If you are in doubt about how they feel, ask. Clear up vague areas
right away. Have them repeat your message back to you, and you do
the same. This guarantees understanding. Get it all out in the open
so everyone knows what is expected and what is next. Use win-win as
your end result.
3. Don’t complain, especially to someone who can’t help
you. Make this a law in your life. Behind every complaint is a request
you are not making. Ask yourself. What do you want? Who can you ask?
What’s in it for them? Formulate a clear request and deliver
it at the right time. Don’t ask for everything all at once.
Start small, be willing to negotiate and make another request if your
first one is rejected.
4. The LOVE formula: Listen, Open, Validate, Energize.
This is a way to remember the basics. Listen to their side and go
there. Listen to what they are saying behind the complaint. Maybe
they need understanding or just to be heard. Let them know you are
listening, say “I hear you”, and repeat things back to
them. Open to their point of view. Open to the possibility they are
right and will contribute to you. In this formula you supply a right
motive to their actions. Open your mind to their right motive. They
mean well. Their motives are just like yours, safety, security, peace,
fun.
You want the same things. We tend to judge ourselves by our motives
and others by their actions. If you reverse that, your world will
improve. Give them the benefit of the doubt and presume they mean
well. After you have their motive established, validate.
You are both right, just looking at it from different sides. Validate
both points of view. Validate both sides because your motives are
similar. Validate these motives you share. Also Validate their right
to differ. Then Energize, this means some action.
It may be as simple as saying “We disagree, but lets stay open”.
Or invite them to come up with options that may be agreeable to both,
and you put forth a few ideas also. Energize by acknowledging them
for their willingness to talk, expressing gratitude, declaring what
you want, or coming up with a plan.
The
L.O.V.E formula can clear up past resentments easily. The
other party need not be present. Just do the process by yourself and
see what happens when you give them the right motive and go through
the steps in your imagination.
I hope these tips were useful. Communication is a vast subject and
if you commit to learning the skills you will have more success in
every area of your life. Become a master communicator and your family
life will be much happier in every way.
There is a seminar the first Sunday of each month on these topics.
You may attend one for free.
Your
feedback is always welcomed so E-Mail
me.
